The 2012 Sundance film Festival will begin its broadcast on the Sundance Channel on January 19th. And I'm excited to see those who were lucky enough to get into the screenwriting program given by Sundance every year, to be announced during the festival.
Sadly, I was not one of the ones chosen. And less than 12 months ago I would've been less than enthusiastic about knowing who won, and reading the entry that got them in to the festival. My jealousy, and Andy would've gotten way of celebrating these people and their hard work. Because I, wanting to be one of them, would be angry. It's the kind of anger that makes you forget that you are as talented as you think you are. Fosters the belief that, you have been operating under one of the more grand illusions that an artist can give himself.
So I would just about watch anything else. Even so far as to watch endless hours of reality TV, any number of marathon television show blocks, and even C-SPAN. I would've avoided the Sundance Channel as if it were a past girlfriend, with an ax to grind, and a desire to open up old wounds desperately seeking clarity. It would not have been on my to do list.
But, there've been some changes in both myself and how I view my path to becoming a filmmaker. I would like to say that I am happy that I'm fortunate to that now before my career really begins. I like to say that I have been put on current path, one that I didn't choose, but I'm beginning to believe was when I really needed. No matter what title you give myself, the journey that I am on now has taught me that title doesn't matter. The name I give to whatever art I create doesn't matter either. What matters is the work that I do, create, and take responsibility for. In the end all anyone will ever remember is the work. And not what internal struggle I stupidly decided to engage in, or what lofty title I thought would sound better at the end of my name.
And I'm glad that's over.
So I'm contemplating reentering the Sundance directors program. I'm considering throwing my hat once again into the ring, understanding that it may be far more difficult than it was last year. I learned some great lessons, and am still learning great lessons, as to what I need to do. Which is, the work. I've also ideas swirling around in my head, each one vying for the best position, and hopefully to be born before the others die out. I believe they're all great ideas, but even the greatest idea won't make screenplay. It's like having a fish tank filled with seamonkeys. They have the same own room, the same amount of light, in the same space in which to grow. And what you do, is you pit these puny aquatic little bastards against each other, and hope one of them is vicious, and smart enough, to rise victorious bobbing up and down, screaming choose me choose me.
So you pluck, the valiant little mutated krill, set him on your desk, and he begins telling you this great story about this particular character, or a particular thing, engaged in all types of particular adventures. And you're feeling pretty good about choosing him because obviously he was the best choice. This, is what I do. You find an idea can decide this is the one that I will turn into a screenplay. And I will sit in chair, flattening my ass even further than it already has been, and smoking far too much. And craft a world in which really bright characters, say really magnetic words, that would make a really good movie. I've done it before, I can do it again, and will continue to do it until Sundance is either tired of me, or someone finds me in my apartment, with a concussion from the mountain of screenplays that have fallen on my head.
Since Sundance started I wanted to be a part of it. It always seemed like the best directors came from Sundance. Directors that I admire to this day, whose work is remarkably impactful. It from the very 1st frame, picks you up by your lapels and sits you down, not gruffly or with malicious force. But with a sense of urgency that tells you you're about to experience something that you've never seen before. And the things the people in this fountain of moving images, have something really quite significant to say. Those are the kinds of films that I want to make, and those are the types of films that I will make.
So it is with a certain amount of envy, no malicious intent, but with gratitude. I am emboldened by seeing these people succeed. It lets me know that with the same amount of diligence, and talent, and the right recipe of words in a script, I will be where they are now. And that is exciting. It's exciting to know that even after all these years, and all this time, I'm excited and looking forward to a project that will make me happy. I love being a writer, I living artist, I love being aspiring film maker who will one day make his own films. I love all that.
But what I love most of all, is knowing that I arrived at the realization that, the work is the most important thing.
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