Lost focus...

It was a bolt out of the blue when I decided to be a filmmaker. And since that moment, I've learned and grown in ways that I didn't expect. I took lessons from every situation I've ever been in and stored them away, in the possibility that I'll need them later on.

I've heard stories about Hollywood, and read even more about how, in many ways, the hardest part of the industry, is the interpersonal relationships and encounters, with vets and new-comers alike. And not ever being one to be unaware and unprepared, I'm going to do whatever I can, and whatever it takes to succeed at this career I've chosen.

That said, it brings me to the current state of things. When I started this I did it because I didn't want to wait for my "big break", I decided to make it myself. Well a few auditions later, and the selection of some really talented NYC actors later, I had my cast, I had my srcipts, and I was ready to roll. Then it happened.

Stagnation. Scheduling issues, my day job needing more of my attention than before, and there I was, no forward movement, no progress, and not one second of film shot. And then, the holidays rolled around. Needless to say things were moving at a pace that could only be described as glacial.

So it's 01/05/09, and I sit at my computer, becoming drunk on writing again and shifting all my attention to being THE director. I love this choice I've made, I love the possibility of seeing my words and imagery on screen, delighting my audience, and most importantly, making my mother smile, and my father proud. Helping my family and giving my life the purpose, it for so long, did not have.

So, stagnation is a blessing, it gives you the time to reflect on choices made, and gives you insight into choices yet to be made. So, my apologies to Tom Petty, but waiting isn't the hardest part, not if you use it to the best of your advantage. Which I am.

Time to get to work!

Because horses have bad breath...

For the majority of my day, between creation (not in the biblical or reproductive sense), and recreation (surfing for the latest YouTube phenom, or satirical take on politics), I sit, and I plan.

I plan the auditions for the coming day, I plan the weekend I spend with my 12 yr old karmic blessing (my daughter), and I plan the shooting schedule for 6 shorty shorts.

So, when I think to myself,

"Self, do you really want to drag your hefty carcass, to the shower, to the closet, to the bagel joint, then..to work?"

To which I saltily reply, "No, but seeing as we're not obscenely wealthy, nor the lack of moral fiber that would allow us to be a kept man, we gotta take our gluts to work! Now GET UP!" I'm very surly in the mornings.

So, after a good seeing to, I get up, shower, shave, dress, and leave for work. And like millions of others, in much the same predicament, find myself, in a grey cubicle looking for ways to stave off my daily duties. But then it hits me, I'm employed, I'm not homeless, shoeless, toothless, and living in a crate under the Manhattan Bridge, I've a job. A job that affords me the ability to support my child, pay my bills (snicker...when I can), feed, clothe, and shelter myself.

I am blessed. I even have the ability to give to those who aren't like me. A dollar here, and there, not much but something, so that they can have a bagel in the morning, just like me.

In this position, and apart from their bad breath... It's hard to look a gift horse in the mouth.

fin.

It's begun...

As I sit here, at work, staring at this keyboard, wondering how to start this blog, I'm thinking. I'm thinking of how incredibly excited I am to finally be making my first film. Hell.. not my first film, my first six films. About a year ago, I wrote a series of short films, not for the exercise of writing, which I soon fell in love with, but to start my life of making movies.

Movies... that''s what I call them, that's what my family has always called them, that's what everyone I know calls them. The reason I take great pains to clarify, is that, there are FILMS, and there are movies. FILMS, (written mostly in initial caps, but often in all caps, to signify it's lofty status) were for those who actually had a choice of wine, instead of Coke or Pepsi. Those to whom the decision to watch PBS over WWE Smackdown, is a no-brainer. Get my point?

However, I will not cast a crooked eye on either species of cinema, I love them equally. I love the thoughtful FILM, about the emotionally injured man, who finds release in the voyeuristic pleasures of strangers. And I love the feeling of loud explosions, as the hero saves the wise-cracking cutie, driving an out of control city bus. I love that stuff.

That's why I decided to be a filmmaker. To, In some arrogant, and altruistic way, give some child the same precious memories I have. Memories of my Mom cooking Sundays dinners, just in time so we could watch "Family Classics" on WGN Channel 9, in a small town outside of Chicago. Where we would sit, and eat, and gobble up these cinematic treasures, that even to this day, I still can't resist watching.

Films with stars like Spenser Tracy in Captain's Courageous, or Tyrone Power in The Mark of Zorro, or Basil Rathbone, and Nigel Bruce in Sherlock Holmes., These films, and many many more like them, gave comfort and adventure, to a chubby introvert, who's best friends were his imagination, a sketchbook, and a pen.

So now, a number of years later, that same chubby little genius has grown into the strong, dedicated, dominating writer/director, writing in a blog, while he should be doing the work, he earns a paycheck for. Damn the MAN... I've started on a course that cannot be stopped. I've just finished casting, and moving on to the meat of pre-production, on my first six films, and I could not be more excited.

Thus... it has begun, the rest of my life, as a filmmaker.